F is for friends who don’t talk to you..

After everything that’s been happening, I’ve realized that I have no friends. Literally. Not one person other than people related to me talks to me, or cares what I’m doing, or even wants me around. I have no real, in person, friends. Now I’m not really the “friend type” per se. I’ve always had a problem making friends because I generally just do not like many people, or I’ve always been way more mature than a lot of the people around me. But now, when I really need it, I have no one. And it’s not for lack of trying. I talk to plenty of people. But my best friend is my husband. And my second best friend is my mom.

No one but family came to Maya’s funeral. I really did think that people would come. That people cared about me. About Maya. But nope. Only people that are related to her cared enough to make it. All of the “support” I have gotten, was BS. Most of my support comes from my mommy group full of strangers. How twisted is that. People that have never even met me care more about me than people I’ve known since preschool.

And I am so beyond sick of the fake friends. The “I’m there for yous” that never were and the “I’ll be at her funerals” that never showed up. People make me sick. Why say you’re going to do something when you have absolutely no intention of doing so? Or not do something because of stupid, petty reasons that have nothing to do with me or my baby.

Don’t get me wrong, I am so, so grateful for the people who did come and the people who offer me continuous support. The people who message me frequently to check in. The people who don’t just say they’re there for us, but actually are. I am grateful for a lot of things. But I am also angry. I’m angry at everything now, I guess. And I’m finding it really hard to be forgiving. When I needed you most, you weren’t there. Although I’m not surprised at all, you never were to begin with, why start now.

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4 thoughts on “F is for friends who don’t talk to you..

  1. Thinking of you. Your life holds more than this agony. It will somehow become easier manage. Pain is just that way for us as humans. Your so called friends are likely afraid. We can’t related to we avoid. It doesn’t just happen with something awful it happens when good things happens as well. People just disappear. However, with all that said one day you will find your people. You have a good start with Austin and your mom. They love you unconditionally forever and ever. I check you on often through your blog and my heart is your friend. You may not see me or hear me, but just stop and you can feel me and all the others watching and praying for you sending you lignt and love.

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  2. Thinking of you. Your life holds more than this agony. It will somehow become easier to manage. Pain is just that way for us as humans, over time it slowly becomes less intense.

    Your so called friends are likely afraid. What we can’t related to we avoid. It doesn’t just happen with something awful, it also happens with good things. Ever watch a married girl lose all her single friends? People just disappear. Fuck them. you don’t need disingenuous people around you.

    However, with all that said one day you will find your people. You have a good start with Austin and your mom. They love you unconditionally forever and ever.

    I check you on often through your blog and my heart is your friend. You may not see me or hear me, but just stop and you can feel me and all the others watching and praying for you sending you lignt and love.

    edited repost

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  3. Sending thoughts and prayers and virtual hugs from the other side of the country. I am another person that doesn’t have friends outside of my husband, people related to me, and a few that are now basically pen pals since i live near no one. The truth is though having your husband and family as friends that are there for you is amazing because there are so many that don’t have those relationships with their husband or family. I pray you find the support you need.

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  4. Oh Danielle- this made me cry. My heart breaks for you that when you needed friends the most, they were not there. Sometimes I have felt that way in my life as well. Tragedy seems to make people run for the hills… If i had the money, I would totally fly you and your husband out to NY to spend a week and get to know you guys and become your friend. Why? Because, you are awesome. You are one of the strongest people I have seen. the strength, devotion, candor, humility, (i could go on and on) make me wish you were close to me because you seem like you would be the most awesome friend ever. I know us BBC are not the same as a tangible hand to hold, but I think about you EVERY day. I pray for you and your husband. There are so many of us who have been so changed by you. To be honest, you have impacted me more than quite a few current “friends” I have now. …and isnt that what a real friend is? …someone who changes us for the better? You have changed us.. in the way we love our children and families and regard the preciousness of life.

    Your Friend, Alison in NY

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