Thirty-one. That’s the number of people that came to Maya’s funeral. Thirty-one people cared enough to come. Out of the hundreds of “I’m sorrys” and “I’m there for yous”, only thirty-one people actually meant it. Thirty-one people out of the 8 billion in the world care about my baby’s death. She was my entire world. And everyone else doesn’t even care about her. She only made an impact on thirty-one people. I’m not okay with that. All of these people that pretended to care and be my friend, didn’t come. I’m so tired of having fake friends. Maya is special. And she’s important. She deserves to be honored and remembered. By more than thirty-one.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “

  1. Danielle- Maya and her story has reached far beyond 31 people! Behind each of my simple and inadequate posts on BBC is hours of worrying about you guys, crying for your baby to come back, and scrolling through her pictures- I promise so many others are doing the same. I have personally had a recent cancer scare and my oldest child had a false positive genetic test for a terminal illness when she was first born, so I have had a tiny glimpse into what it might feel like to suffer a loss as I went through those emotions and tried to come to terms with possibilities.( I know there is little comparison there, but I always tend to settle of the worst thing and deal with it like it is already so.) That same grieving process I’ve been going through on your behalf from day one. I’ve been reading my Bible so much more diligently to search for answers and comfort- then I pray hard for God to reveal himself to you so that you have NO doubt He is there and that Maya is in Heaven. I was not religious or really raised in church the same as you, but I hit rock bottom emotionally about 5 years ago and decided it was I either didn’t believe in God or I hated him. He somehow changed this hardened heart around….. Anyways- in the quiet and in your pain, just continue to ask Him to be present with you. Please- don’t give up! Look around at the clouds, the stars, lightening bugs, BUTTERFLYS!, and really see them for the creation they are! We are not here at random! I just have a strong feeling that something wonderful is going to come of you guys and want you to have the greatest fullness of His plan for you.
    I didn’t mean to preach in any way in this comment and I actually never talk much about my faith or try to pressure anybody- I think I just want you to know that something is extra special about you, Austin, and Maya- to many more than 31 people. I will say, that, when I pass, if 31 sincere people come to my service, that will be amazing. I live in Kentucky, and would have loved to come. Fellow BBCer, Ashleigh Pasley

    Like

  2. If I were closer I moat certainly have been there. I am all the way on NY but have been thinking about you and your sweet Maya on a regular basis. You have touched so many lives. 31 is my lucky number – you should think of it as a positive that 31 people cared about that sweet and keep it that hundreds of other one please were with you I spirit yesterday.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with the others. So many more people care than you know. I’m in IL and I can’t stop thinking of your precious Maya, I cant stop thinking of you and wishing I knew something wise to say. I can say with certainly that I will never forget about Maya, she was so beautiful and I hurt for you that she is gone, I’m angry that SIDS can happen to anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You and your baby girl touched so many lives not just 31. I check your post and blog everyday. I love seeing the pictures of your sweet baby girl Maya.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. If I could’ve I would’ve been there!! Lots of lives have been touched by your story, your strength and bravery!!
    God knows your struggles and is carrying you and Austin through this!! You are all constantly in my prayers and thoughts!!
    Love and peace to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. i agree with previous comments.
    Your story has touched so many lives. I’m in MD if I were closer I would have been there in a heartbeat. I watch for your posts on here and on BBC. DM me anytime I am always here!

    Like

  7. I am positive that there are hundreds of people who read this everyday, think of you daily, pray for Maya and your family constantly, but do not leave comments or reach out to you personally. I have been silently reading your blog and it has given me so much appreciating no for my life and my child. I think about her every day and I’m sure there are many others who do the same but do not comment for one reason or another.

    Like

  8. I would have been there for you Saturday. I know I think of her and you and Austin often. She was so sweet and her smile reminds me so much of my daughters. So many of us truly care deeply even though we don’t know you in person. I don’t usually get invested in people online, but your story has touched mine and many many others lives. Her light will always shine through you! Never forget that mama.

    Like

  9. Danielle…If you could have filled Maya’s memorial with all of the thoughts and prayers of all the many, many people that you have touched by sharing your beautiful baby girl’s story with…that room wouldn’t have been large enough to hold them all. Just look at all of the amazing butterflies that were being made and worn around the world in honor of your Sweet Maya! That in itself shows just how truly special Maya is and how big of an impression that little girl of yours made on so, so many people. I know for me…You, Austin, and Maya are in my constant thoughts and prayers and I am just a fellow BBC member and complete stranger that lives in Utah. You guys are loved by so many people around the globe and just because the majority of us cannot be there physically…I hope you can truly, truly feel it in your hearts. Your Maya is Loved! Your Maya is Important! Your Maya has two incredible parents that everyone can see made her time here on Earth just as Special as she is! Please remember that. It is really amazing to see how someone so little can have such a huge impact on as many people as she did. Maya definitely left her imprint on this world and so have you!

    Like

  10. I’m so sorry you feel that way. I wish I could have been there for you. I feel like I should have. I’m not that far, maybe just a few hours. I didn’t think to ask. I wish I had.

    Maya’s life reached so many and she will never be forgotten. I’m sorry those closest to you, those you know and see almost daily could not come, while those of who are internet strangers could only offer pics of butterflies and small gestures of love for your beautiful baby girl.

    I know you and Austin feel lost and alone and like you only have each other, but please know, all of us care. Not a day goes by, I don’t think of Maya. It’s not just her butterflies. I see my daughters oball and think “Maya has the same one”. A cat randomly jumped into our car yesterday and I thought, “Maya would love to grab his ears”. As I gave her medicine today and she grabbed the syringe, sucking it down on her own, I thought “that’s what Maya does”. I even heard some moms talking about thier babies playing with water bottles and I thought, “Maya love’s water bottles”.

    I never met her, but she will always be a part of my life. My daughter will grow up knowing a little girl named Maya became an Angel.

    Like

  11. I’m sorry you are hurting and suffering such a painful and complicated loss. You have touched so many lives. I’m in Austin, Texas thinking of you and your family often. I don’t know you, but I feel such compassion for you. Though 31 were there in person, hundreds of people were with you in spirit. Actually, they (we) are with you everyday. Take care of yourself and Austin.

    Like

  12. My family continues to think about you and pray for you guys from South Carolina. The 31 people at her funeral were only a fraction of the people who were touched by her life.

    Like

  13. I just wanted to reach out to you so that you know how much your story, Maya’s story, has touched my heart. I’m always thinking of you and wishing I could have been at the service. I would have loved nothing more for that day. Please know that if I lived any closer…even if it were a couple of hours away- I would have been there in a heartbeat. You have so many people that care so much about you and Austin and Maya- most in which whom you may never meet, but who are with you in spirit.

    Like

  14. I agree with many of the previous commentators. I live in Canada and I follow your blog and cry everytime. I think about you and your family often. Even my husband asks how you guys are doing. While only 31 were present at the funeral, many were there in spirit. And sure some of your friends may have not been as sincere as they made it seem but just know that Maya will never be forgotten.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s