It’s been a month today. And I still can’t believe it’s even real. Each day is getting worse. I miss her more with each second. Her face is starting to fade from my mind. And her laugh isn’t as easy to remember. The only thing I can really remember clearly is finding her that morning. I wish more than anything that there was something I could do to change it. Or go back and spend more time with her that night. Or just see her alive one more time, even if it’s just for five minutes. I miss her so much. And her ashes are back at the mortuary. We have to drop her urn off tomorrow so they can transfer them and then we will have them back. I almost don’t want them. I mean, I do. But how can I look at her urn and know that she’s in there, but it’s not actually her? Just the thought of someone having her body or her lying in a morgue or them setting her on fire, makes me sick. A month ago she was my sweet little baby, so full of life and happiness. And now, she’s just ashes sitting on a shelf somewhere. It breaks my heart. She was supposed to grow up with us. I can’t believe this. I don’t want to believe it. I just want her back.

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One thought on “

  1. Checking in from Nov 14 bb. I still think about you on a daily basis. I’m sure it’s hard when you feel like your mind is forgetting her but your heart will never forget. Stay strong! My thoughts are still with you and Austin.

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