I have so many questions..

When is it all right to move on? I know we are still grieving for you, and that’s not going away for a while, but when is it okay to stop? When will I even be able to stop? When is it okay for us to try to have another baby? Will this happen to our other kids? Or laugh without getting funny looks? Will I ever let myself be happy again? Is it okay for mommy and daddy to have fun still? And how long until we are able to do things again without missing you? Or will we always feel guilty because we miss you and are supposed to be sad all the time? Will we ever be truly ready to move on? I want another baby so bad, but I know that it’s just to fill the hole that you made and I don’t want to do that. Will the hole in my heart ever be smaller? Will I ever stop feeling awful about all of the times I got frustrated with you or was mean to you? Will any of this ever make sense? Will there ever be a day where seeing your picture doesn’t kill me inside? Will the memories ever stop hurting? Will I ever see you again? I really am trying to believe that I will. I have to. Otherwise, I will go crazy. I don’t know if I could live every single day of my life without you, knowing that I will never, ever see you again. I love you.


One thought on “I have so many questions..

  1. Love you sweetest girl in the world. I truly believe we will see our loved ones again and be reunited with them all. My Mom saw her Mom waiting for her at the end and I know in my heart you will see Maya again.

    Liked by 1 person

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